A brief guide to obtaining sexual consent and establishing personal boundaries while respecting your partner's boundaries.
A brief harm reduction guide to obtaining sexual consent and establishing personal boundaries while respecting your partner's boundaries.
ACQUIRING CONSENT
Acquiring consent is when you the other party says “yes” not when someone doesn’t say “no”. Sex without consent is not sex, it is sexual assault and/or rape.
THE BASICS
OF CONSENT
︎︎︎
-
Sexual Consent includes both verbal and non-verbal cues
- No one is “asking for it” unless they are asking for consent
- Consent requires clarity and consciousness
- Consent is a conversation, it is an enthusiastic “yes”
between roleplay and the real world
︎︎︎
Some kinds of roleplay involve protesting verbally.
so if this your kink then you need to have a safeword or safe gesture
We recommend the stoplight system:
-
Green = All systems go!
-
Yellow = Proceed with caution you’re approaching my limit.
- Red = Stop Now!
Real Sexual Consent is mutual and CERTAIN
︎︎︎
Every sexual experience should not only be approached with consent,
but with enthusiastic consent. Make sure everyone is into it, before you get into it.
Saying yes to one activity doesn’t mean yes to another (or all) activities – ask for consent before each new sexual activity.
ie. “Do you like this?” “Can I go down on you?” “Is it okay if I pull your hair?” etc.
Figure out your own your mutual desires and boundaries with your potential partner clearly and honestly before engaging in sexual contact Consent should be continuous and can be renegotiated and/or withdrawn at any time before or during sex
Consent is about more than just sexual intercourse. Costumes are not consent – ask before you touch/spank/yank/pull/etc! Ask before you take someone’s photo – not everyone wants their good time to be photo documented for safety/privacy/etc reasons!
Ask someone before you hug them/put your arm around them/hold their hand/touch their hair/etc.
If you are gifting someone something, be honest about what the gift contains - some people cannot ingest certain substances due to drug testing in their profession or they may be allergic to what your gift contains
Consent is not just about receiving a “yes” it’s also about handling a “no” with respect even if someone refuses your gift
but with enthusiastic consent. Make sure everyone is into it, before you get into it.
Saying yes to one activity doesn’t mean yes to another (or all) activities – ask for consent before each new sexual activity.
ie. “Do you like this?” “Can I go down on you?” “Is it okay if I pull your hair?” etc.
Figure out your own your mutual desires and boundaries with your potential partner clearly and honestly before engaging in sexual contact Consent should be continuous and can be renegotiated and/or withdrawn at any time before or during sex
Consent is about more than just sexual intercourse. Costumes are not consent – ask before you touch/spank/yank/pull/etc! Ask before you take someone’s photo – not everyone wants their good time to be photo documented for safety/privacy/etc reasons!
Ask someone before you hug them/put your arm around them/hold their hand/touch their hair/etc.
If you are gifting someone something, be honest about what the gift contains - some people cannot ingest certain substances due to drug testing in their profession or they may be allergic to what your gift contains
Consent is not just about receiving a “yes” it’s also about handling a “no” with respect even if someone refuses your gift
When can
Consent not
be given?
︎︎︎
What are your own boundaries and desires? If you can’t figure them out yourself, then you can’t possibly be clear with your partner about what you’re requesting consent for
If that person is underage (look up the law for “age of consent” in your state), they are not able to give consent to sex or taking intoxicants.
Consent cannot be gained through coercion, intimidation, manipulation or threats.
Consent is never assumed or silent – consent can never be given by someone who is passed out or asleep.
If someone is drunk or under the influence, they are unable to give consent. If you want to play while high/drunk, make your agreements with one another beforehand.
Consent must be clearly granted from an individual who is clearly in control of their faculties enough to grant it
If that person is underage (look up the law for “age of consent” in your state), they are not able to give consent to sex or taking intoxicants.
Consent cannot be gained through coercion, intimidation, manipulation or threats.
Consent is never assumed or silent – consent can never be given by someone who is passed out or asleep.
If someone is drunk or under the influence, they are unable to give consent. If you want to play while high/drunk, make your agreements with one another beforehand.
Consent must be clearly granted from an individual who is clearly in control of their faculties enough to grant it
Communicating Consent can come in many forms
︎︎︎
“I’d really like to hug / kiss / …… you. Would you like to as well?”
“Do you like it when I do this?”
“I love your costume, may I touch your tail?
“I love when people wear kilts! May I grab your ______?”
“Is it OK if I take off my________?”
“What would do you like me to do for you?”
“It makes me feel good when you kiss / touch / _____ me there. What makes you feel good?”
“Those chaps look awesome on you! May I spank you?”
“I really feel like ______ you. Do you feel like it too?”
“I would love to show my friend back home your costume! May I take a picture of you and post it online?”
“Have you ever _____? Would you like to try it with me?”
“Do you like it when I do this?”
“I love your costume, may I touch your tail?
“I love when people wear kilts! May I grab your ______?”
“Is it OK if I take off my________?”
“What would do you like me to do for you?”
“It makes me feel good when you kiss / touch / _____ me there. What makes you feel good?”
“Those chaps look awesome on you! May I spank you?”
“I really feel like ______ you. Do you feel like it too?”
“I would love to show my friend back home your costume! May I take a picture of you and post it online?”
“Have you ever _____? Would you like to try it with me?”